


take one last look back

by fineosaur



Series: count your blessings, my love. [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, implied happy ending, jon being stubborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25433149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineosaur/pseuds/fineosaur
Summary: When he leans back in his seat, his eyes meet the rearview mirror, where he can see his grey eyes, dark and stormy, the perfect juxtaposition to the gleaming sun that threatens a headache.“I don’t know what to say to make you understand.”“I understand just fine, Jon.”
Relationships: Satin Flowers/Jon Snow
Series: count your blessings, my love. [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842127
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	take one last look back

**Author's Note:**

> [from these drabble prompts](https://fineosaur.tumblr.com/post/623745195465424896/angstfluff-prompt-list), prompt 97. “It’s not that easy.”
> 
> title from: tremosine - george ogilvie

The wind becomes distracting. With the way it whistles through his ears, blowing at those perfect curls of his, it even makes it abundantly clear how much his eyes sting.

When he leans back in his seat, his eyes meet the rearview mirror, where he can see his grey eyes, dark and stormy, the perfect juxtaposition to the gleaming sun that threatens a headache. 

“I don’t know what to say to make you understand.” 

Jon’s words are blunt, but he knows Satin understands either way, from where he’s sat in the passenger seat of his car. He only turns away from Jon, staring out of the window with a hand buried deep in his black hair. 

They’re sitting in his car, boarded on the side of just another scenic road in the North and he doesn’t want to remember why this fight started or the fact that they’re meant to be headed to his family home for lunch. 

“I understand just fine, Jon.” 

Jon sighs, watching the way Satin’s beautiful brows frown at the looming ice-capped mountain. It hurts just a bit, that he’s the reason why the willowy man’s gentle features are so turned.

“I don’t think you do though.” 

“How would you even know that?” 

He goes silent. He’s been presumptuous this whole time, since Satin asked him the moment they got into the car, till now, where he could barely concentrate on the road ahead of him because of how much his head screamed at him. 

“You’re always quiet about these things… when it comes to your family.” Satin starts, still refusing to meet his eyes even as he glances at Jon, “It’s like sometimes you forget we’re even dating, even if it’s been months.” 

“How can you even say something like that?” Jon stares at him in disbelief. The breeze picks up again, granting him reprieve that the sun does not. 

He knows that maybe there’s some weight to what Satin says at him, but he wants to believe he doesn’t take his irritability out on his boyfriend, no matter the fallacy. 

“Do you give me reason to think otherwise?” Satin asks, the strain in his voice hits Jon right in his chest, soaking him entirely until he’s sure the heaviness he feels is just the drag. 

There’s no way to properly answer him. Not with where they are, not when the car threatens to suffocate him right there.

“It’s not that easy,” Jon explains. He feels like he’s throwing his hands up in defeat with his answer, but he’s not one to ever do something like that. “It’s not easy, Satin, and you know that. None of this is easy for me… I’m trying, okay?” 

Satin’s soft eyes meet his, looking much harder and colder than he’s ever used to. The sunlight hits just right on the hoop that adorns Satin’s ear, it makes Jon squint, his expression pained with the stifling silence. It’s enough to hear a pin drop.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Satin tells him, air of finality swirling between the two of them. Jon swallows at Satin’s words, their eyes stay locked. “I don’t feel it, Jon.” Satin reiterates, putting his hand to his own chest as his tone gets heavier. 

Jon’s eyes wander Satin’s soft face, smooth olive skin, the beauty marks that pepper it, ones he finds his fingers tracing in their time together. His black curls sway again, falling into brown eyes with his fluttering lashes. How is he meant to show him when he can’t even find the words to explain himself? 

He reaches out to brush Satin’s hair out of his eyes but the man flinches, pulling away from Jon. It makes his heart squeeze just a little tighter in his chest. 

“Drop me home, Jon,” Satin interrupts, “I won’t meet your family if you don’t want me to.” 

Jon’s eyes don’t leave him, even when Satin pulls the seatbelt securely back on himself and stares at the horizon past the windshield. Jon sighs, adjusting himself in his seat as well, before turning the key in the ignition once again.

He didn’t have the energy to fight on this more, not when he didn’t know if he was even ready for Satin to meet his family. There were far too many times when he wasn’t entirely ready to face his family. 

“I could never forget that we’re dating, Satin…” Jon finally says. They’re already back on the motorway when he says it, far too much silence passing between the two of them as he drove back to Satin’s place. “It’s not the right time. When my family meets you, I want them to meet you and your smile, not when you can hardly meet my eyes.”

Satin opens his mouth to counter Jon impudently, but with a quick glance, he sees Satin stare back out of his window again, something close to a smile tugging at the corner of his lip. 

They’ll be okay, he thinks. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading  
> lots of love,  
> [fineosaur](https://fineosaur.tumblr.com)  
> (come say hi! or send a prompt ;) )


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